You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
why do cheetos always look like penises
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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