Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
