I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
this beer tastes like vomit already
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
