life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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