Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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