been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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