i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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