we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
We need to get me chipped asap
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
