Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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