Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
