i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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