I think I died a long time ago.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
