You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
