I'd wear matching sweaters with you
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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