Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
