tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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