I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
