my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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