everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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