I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
