It's a beautiful day for a hangover
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
COCAINE IS GR8
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
