I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
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