I am puke
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
