please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
