I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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