I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
