I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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