Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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