If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
