Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
