Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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