you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
