i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Randomize
