it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
