I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
