ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
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