Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
