This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
