while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
