If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
