and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
