i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
