My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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