Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
