I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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