That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
