Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
