lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
