i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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