i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
