Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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