..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
